HOW TO DO SOMETHING YOU FEAR

Dec 7, 2017 | SOUL

I knew I couldn’t go on like this.

I felt like a huge imposter, a lie.

And it was eating me up from inside.

Sharing all the happy, beautiful instagrams and blogposts from my life as a digital nomad around the world and in paradise was causing me to slide even deeper into depression. And I was already deep in it.

As one of Germany’s most popular travel blogger, I was stuck in thinking that I had to make my life look awesome on social media every day – when in reality, I was going through one heartbreak after another and, at that time at the end of 2015, a particularly dark night of the soul.

As I was lying on the rooftop terrace of my villa in Bali that night two years ago, looking at the stars and the full moon, I realised, something had to change:

I was either going to shut down my travel blog and its channels OR start sharing with my followers what’s really been going on.

But I was terrified to tell people that the dream of the 4 hour work week as a digital nomad in paradise wasn’t making me happy.

I was scared to make myself vulnerable.

I was scared of appearing weak.

I was scared of what people would think about me. That they would think I had failed at life. That I was selling a dream that wasn’t the real deal.

But my intuition told me to do it anyway.

I started to slowly talk about my struggles in life, on Instagram and in blogposts. Veeeery slowly, I opened up more and more in my blogposts and on social media.

And you know what?

No one judged me. No one thought bad of me. No one thought I was weak.

Actually, the complete opposite happened.

My followers loved me even more, BECAUSE I started sharing my shadows.

Their feedback was amazing.

The more I opened up, the more beautiful emails and comments rolled in.

The more I showed my true self, the more they felt connected with me and the more I felt connected to them.

The more I shared my vulnerable thoughts and feelings, the more liberated I felt.

Mind-blowing.

And: Since I started on this journey, I have received way less critical, hateful or judgemental comments and emails. Boom!

But I still felt like people weren’t seeing me all the way.

So I started to go all in with videos on YouTube.

I felt like video would be the most immediate and vulnerable medium to communicate with the world.

A couple months into it, I decided it was time to fully, completely embrace my truth and talk about the most vulnerable story up to that day:

My painful coming out story as a gay woman.

I feared publishing it so much. It was incredibly hard.

But again, I felt into my fears and did it anyway. Because if there is one thing I knew by then:

I have to go where the fear is. That’s where I grow.

I pressed publish.

The feedback to that video was overwhelmingly beautiful. I cried a lot of tears. Tears of liberation and of feeling so loved and supported.

From this day on, I opened up even more. I knew I could trust my tribe.

I stepped more and more into the Conni I really am. The one I had been hiding. The one I was still properly accepting myself.

In January of this year I then decided to step up my vulnerability game even more and decided to do a challenge:

30 days of vulnerability.

Meaning: I publicly committed to publishing a video about something I felt vulnerable about or ashamed of every day for a whole month.

Phew. Yeah, sounds as intense as it was.

But after the month was over, I had learned and grown so much, I really surprised myself.

Those 30 days totally changed my life and perspective on vulnerability.

I finally got it:

Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is an amazing strength. And by embracing it and sharing it, I cultivated a lot of self-love and compassion for myself.

And: I de-shamed and healed so many parts of my life.

This whole vulnerability thing?

What an incredibly journey.

I had no idea what opening up to the world and my followers in this way would result in.

Today, I know this:

When I don’t share my real truth, I am rejecting myself. And I ain’t doing that no more, yo 😉

So I keep sharing and sharing.

To heal myself and help others heal those parts in themselves.

To feel less alone and more connected and for others to feel the same.

We are all in this together.

That’s why I created my course “The Art of Vulnerability”.

So we can one day all live in a world free of shame and fear of making ourselves vulnerable.

If you share my vision, join me here.

In any case, thank you for following along on my journey and reading these words.

With love,

Conni xx

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